What a night I had last night! I don’t know if I slept at all. It seems like every time I was starting to doze off Emma woke up crying. Taking care of her is consuming all my energy. I no longer have time for anything else.
I felt very depressed last night. I remembered what my cognitive therapist said about negative thoughts causing negative emotions so I tried to be aware of all my negative thinking. I paid attention not only to the most obvious phrases in the very front of my mind, but I also noticed the running commentary in the back of my mind. I was thinking things like “What a big mistake”. The additional thinking that came together with these more overt thoughts was something like: “I am an awful person for thinking having a baby was a mistake”, “Thinking this was a mistake is like wishing her dead”, “I am a terrible mother.”
Here’s a picture of my Stress Log Exercise were I rated my emotions and described some more automatic negative thoughts: