I have realized that thinking that Melanie has no respect for me makes me feel down, tense and it surely doesn’t help me perform sexually.
I agreed with my therapist that it was important for me to question this negative thinking by doing a thought challenge exercise.
I wrote down the evidence that supported the negative thought: We always end up going where she wants to go, she doesn’t even try to hear what I’d like to do and she makes most of the decisions in our relationship.
Then I described the reasons why this automatic negative thought may not be accurate: She doesn’t say anything offensive to me, I don’t really try to say what I’d like to do, liking to be in charge doesn’t necessarily mean she has no respect for me, and she does treat me nicely otherwise.
Finally, I came up with a more balanced statement to replace my original negative thought: Melanie respects me as a person, not as the “head” of the household.
Here’s a picture of my thought challenge exercise: