I know I’ll feel even better after challenging these negative thoughts, but we’ll deal with that in my next blog. For now, here’s my latest Stress Log<\/a>:<\/p>\n
I’m devastated.\u00a0I took Emma to her first pediatrician appointment yesterday and it didn’t go well.<\/p>\n
Even before seeing the doctor I was quite anxious about how the visit would go. I pictured all sorts of\u00a0negative\u00a0scenarios in my mind. I caught my self twice several\u00a0minutes\u00a0into a catastrophic story going on in my mind. One started with the doctor telling me about Emma’s congenital disease, then I saw my self telling my mother how she was not supposed to make it, both of us crying. I was at the point of seeing myself in the funeral wondering if I would ever have the courage to have another child when I realized the whole thing was only in my and Emma was alive and smiling right beside me. Then I started imagining the doctor\u00a0accusing\u00a0me of harming Emma, finding bruises all over her, calling the cops. I was trying to decide how I would spend the time in jail when the nurse called for us.<\/p>\n
First the nurse grabbed Emma and put her on a scale, then she tried to measure her length, but Emma kept moving. Then the pediatrician came in. Doctor Marcus. She was a tall woman with long graying her on a pony tail. Not very sweet, I thought. Very matter of fact. She handled Emma with care, but no tenderness, like if she was a delicate specimen in the lab.<\/p>\n
“She’s\u00a0underweight” – Dr. Marcus said. “She’s lost weight since she left the hospital”.<\/p>\n
My heart sunk. I never felt such heaviness inside my chest. What have I done? I thought. I thought she was going to start accusing me of being an incompetent mother, of neglecting my child on purpose. I could see her saying she would need to report this to some child protection agency. And poor Emma, so defenseless. What has she done to deserve a clueless mother like me?<\/p>\n
I’m able to write about this now that I’m feeling a little calmer.\u00a0Doing\u00a0the Stress Log exercise I am attaching as a picture has helped me become aware of all these negative thoughts in my head. If I think I am such an incompetent mother that my child’s life is in danger, then how could I not feel terrible. Knowing that the deep negative emotions I’ve been feeling are not a direct consequence of my current situation, but a product of the way I interpret the situation, gives me some relief. This is just one of the ways how CBT helps depression<\/a>.<\/p>\n I know I’ll feel even better after challenging these negative thoughts, but we’ll deal with that in my next blog. For now, here’s my latest Stress Log<\/a>:<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.cbt-examples.com\/mia\/cbt-post-partum-depression-blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/mia-sl-3.png\" "\\"Worried")
<\/a>![\"mia2\"](\"http:\/\/www.cbt-examples.com\/mia\/cbt-post-partum-depression-blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/mia2.png\")
<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"